Four Wheel Drive

detail of painting


I just got back from an excursion in my wheelchair to the nearby mall.

Went to see Santa actually but I couldn’t get up the stairs to see him so I watched the other kids in their meet n’ greet.

I felt the ever present encroaching gritty ghost of this holiday season; bah-humfuckingbug…. I want what I want: an arm that works, a beloved dog, a total LIFE FIX if truth be told..

I want the people tripping the light fantastic of life in a fully functioning body to be on their knees in gratitude every 5 minutes.

I want my smile to always come from my heart instead of my head.

I want to give, give give and not want, want, want so much.

I want to be ok with wanting.

More than anything I desire peace of mind.

I thought about this on the way home rolling over ice and snow in my trusty 6-wheel ride. “What are the 4 things in my life that give me the ability to plow over treacherous patches in life with the trust I’ll make it through ok?” I asked myself….


All these examples were used today BTW:
Foot slips off footplate of chair as wheeling by very mega cute guy… gotta laugh at the incongruity of wanting to look good and really not.

see above

I can do this goddammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. HOLD IT!!
Going into shame and self criticism over not being able to do what I wanted to do (seeing Santa)(to ask for peace of mind under the tree…).

I graciously acknowledged a young man for holding the door for me and saw his ashen and numb looking face come alive before my eyes at the potency of my gratitude towards him.


2 Responses to “Four Wheel Drive”

  1. barbara mcdaniel on December 18th, 2014

    beautiful sweetheart. yes! thank you for reminding me that unending gratitude is appropriate. i pray i can be as ruthlessly engaged in living fully, while standing in my vulnerability, as you are. big love to you, gorgeous!!!

  2. KK on December 21st, 2014

    Hey, Cathy – My 3-wheel electric scooter just gets a whiff of ice or snow and totally wimps out. So far, though, sidewalks in my northern town are clear, so that’s a big fat plus! Whatever you celebrate, I wish you peace.

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