Four Wheel Drive

no
detail of painting
____________

.

I just got back from an excursion in my wheelchair to the nearby mall.

Went to see Santa actually but I couldn’t get up the stairs to see him so I watched the other kids in their meet n’ greet.

I felt the ever present encroaching gritty ghost of this holiday season; bah-humfuckingbug…. I want what I want: an arm that works, a beloved dog, a total LIFE FIX if truth be told..

I want the people tripping the light fantastic of life in a fully functioning body to be on their knees in gratitude every 5 minutes.

I want my smile to always come from my heart instead of my head.

I want to give, give give and not want, want, want so much.

I want to be ok with wanting.

More than anything I desire peace of mind.

I thought about this on the way home rolling over ice and snow in my trusty 6-wheel ride. “What are the 4 things in my life that give me the ability to plow over treacherous patches in life with the trust I’ll make it through ok?” I asked myself….

CATHY’S 4 (ok..5) WHEEL DRIVE ESSENTIALS

1. HUMOR
All these examples were used today BTW:
Foot slips off footplate of chair as wheeling by very mega cute guy… gotta laugh at the incongruity of wanting to look good and really not.

2. HUMILITY
see above

3. HEADSTRONG
I can do this goddammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. HOLD IT!!
Going into shame and self criticism over not being able to do what I wanted to do (seeing Santa)(to ask for peace of mind under the tree…).

5. HELP
I graciously acknowledged a young man for holding the door for me and saw his ashen and numb looking face come alive before my eyes at the potency of my gratitude towards him.

comments

2 Responses to “Four Wheel Drive”

  1. barbara mcdaniel on December 18th, 2014

    beautiful sweetheart. yes! thank you for reminding me that unending gratitude is appropriate. i pray i can be as ruthlessly engaged in living fully, while standing in my vulnerability, as you are. big love to you, gorgeous!!!

  2. KK on December 21st, 2014

    Hey, Cathy – My 3-wheel electric scooter just gets a whiff of ice or snow and totally wimps out. So far, though, sidewalks in my northern town are clear, so that’s a big fat plus! Whatever you celebrate, I wish you peace.

Leave a Reply