Me, My Family and I

untitled, 6×5′,painting on wool flannel


I am getting weird. Or perhaps weirder might be closer to true.

I have a number of really good friends who have lived alone for long, long stretches of time.

Occasionally one of us will say: “I haven’t spoken to anyone in too long and I’m getting a little bazaar.”

Something strange can happen in ones’ brain if we go without having to make a normal amount of neural connections.

It feels like those little neural ‘reach’ fibers just give up the ghost and stare at some reality TV show with a BUD LITE in hand.

Case in point: I had some real stressors to deal with this morning and found myself irritable, teary and not coping well.

It had to do with my internet service and I called my sister to ask if she’d help me out.

Believe me- she’s received help calls from me before…..

My internet is a lifeline. Without it I see that I start to panic. Inside my monitor is a world where I create, converse, get inspired, muse, watch, work, laugh, tenderize my heart and generally do what others do maneuvering through a day in the workplace.

I know my situation in life taxes my family in big ways.

I hate that I need.

I hate it.

And it’s not just a one time deal either… my life circumstances are dependent on the generosity of my siblings.

I control my attitude but because of their merciful assistance I have to work far less hard to re-calibrate my well being to get back to ok.

Likely, I might not be here without the solace of their compassion and support.

We didn’t really like each other much growing up as there was too little time beyond just surviving our screwed up family.

I have grown into a depth of love for my sister and brothers no one could sever.

I wonder if we’d have this greatest of gifts if I did not need them so and they were not as tenderhearted and generous as they remain?

Would we all still be strangers?

Is there some other path that could have knit us together?

I hate my situation but I love them.

Life is so weird.

And wonderful.

And very weird.


4 Responses to “Me, My Family and I”

  1. Peggy Nelson on January 27th, 2015

    Thank you for this post Cathy. It brought me to tears. I feel the same way about my brothers…. Our growing up was weird, too.

  2. Barbara McDaniel on January 27th, 2015

    love it – could hear your voice speaking the last 3 lines. that was fun!

  3. KK on January 28th, 2015

    Weird and wonderful and weird!

  4. Jane on January 28th, 2015

    I can relate all too well.

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