The Veils Are Thin

1039
ceramic
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I accused a good friend; “You treat me like a sick person!”

It was a low blow and untrue.

I was beyond angry at not feeling like I had any room to say what I needed to say. This is a hot button for me. Very old. Very, very old.

She felt unheard also.

It was ugly. Real but ugly.

My level of hurt descended into that pesky lizard brain beneath what we consider rational.

Actually, she has been a very good friend for a very long time but as my veils thin I feel I haven’t the time to mess around.

The fact of the matter is that my physical self DOES have all the markers of a sick person.

Whether people know it or not their behavior shifts as I change.

Underneath all my seeming-ok-ness I am angry; angry I don’t have my old and interesting artist’s life, angry I must depend on others, angry at the loss of so much and still losing.

I can no longer be a patient audience for those who need the comfort and communion that comes from shared complaints and woe-is-me.

It works if we are both curious about how and why things may have occurred and what is to be gained from the thing.

I am too much of an empath

(em┬Ěpath
noun:
a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.)

to be neutral when asked to join in conversations requiring me to lower my vibration to join the other in solidarity.

People may experience me with a ‘flattened’ countenance and feel an emptiness in my reluctance to meet them in their story.

These days I haven’t the strength to play nice. Don’t quite know how to gracefully elevate the conversation sometimes either.

I will play real. But not nice.

Real interests me more than comfort or smooth.

After all is said and done I am more of a river-tumbled agate than a Tiffany diamond.

comments

4 Responses to “The Veils Are Thin”

  1. Alexis on January 5th, 2015

    If only we could all take off the masks, like you have. I applaud you.

  2. KK on January 6th, 2015

    Yesterday I was lecturing a friend on the difference between sympathy and empathy. I, too am an empath, but am beginning to see how it’s been feeding my need to feel superior in order to value myself.

  3. Irene on January 6th, 2015

    I think as we get older, we have only so much energy, so we have to use it wisely.

    Agates are more beautiful and complex than diamonds.

  4. Judy on January 6th, 2015

    Yep.

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