This Is Now


That was then.

This is now.

The photo was taken many years ago on a solo hike I took. A moment came and I turned around to see this great tree seemingly grabbing nourishment from the rock; its weary roots exposed to the elements instead of comfortingly insulated by soil.

It felt like me.

This photo is the nearest to a self-portrait I have ever come to.

I knew it then when it was taken.

Now, it is far more poignant as I seem to have had a prescient moment in capturing an image that I grew into.

With MS my nerves are hyper-exposed with the loss of the insulation in places.

This makes me sort of a canary-in-the-mine.. Without that insulation I lack that crucial buffer which allows me to depend on social adaptability.

So sometimes I don’t. And can’t.

This is a brave new world.

It feels hyper-real.

I spend more time recovering from what feels like the assault of “out there”

But I feel the impossible blue of that sky more deeply and more often

Than I ever dreamed possible.


5 Responses to “This Is Now”

  1. keek on January 1st, 2015

    Dear Cathy,
    You are wise
    Your are inspirational
    You teach
    You are grace and elegance
    Look forward to witnessing you in 2015
    love always,

  2. Barbara on January 1st, 2015


    May 2015 bring you much joy and adventures in beautiful Santa Fe.
    Thank you for letting us share your world through your sensitive and heartwarming writings.

    Barbara X

  3. Jane on January 1st, 2015

    I’ve been very aware of my exposed roots lately; thank you for reminding me about the amazing tree I am.

  4. Nina on January 1st, 2015

    Cathy such beautiful and inspirational words!

    Happy New Year to you dear Cathy.

    Sending love,


  5. Jenny on January 3rd, 2015

    Dear Cathy, I can only echo every one else. And this picture is so beautiful so brave and strong and vulnerable and exposed. You contribute so much and open new vistas that were always there and I did not see..May it be a blessed New Year.

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