On the Road


I asked a good girlfriend to drive me up to Taos (hour and a half North) to a new Urologist.

My governing “M.O.” has been “I can do it by myself.”

Case in point when I ambled off to the neuro appointment years ago to get the diagnosed.

I was so used to doing stuff without support that I didn’t even know that having someone at my side that day would have helped me bear the news.

Asking my girlfriend to come with me yesterday was a great exercise in conscious asking and receiving.

Since I no longer drive I obviously needed SOMEone there but to visit a new Urologist is a dicey affair; MAJOR vulnerability quotient, stress, exertion of the new, etc.

I have had SUCH horrible experiences with ALL THE FUCKING Urologists I have seen to help me figure out why I have had a bladder infection for a year and taken antibiotics for that long.

My experience of this new guy was beyond fabulous in EVERY way! My friend sat there with me in the room and I was comforted that I had someone with me who was smart, attentive to all the info the Dr. presented and whom I trusted implicitly.

She kept her eye on me in a non-invasive way, opened doors, filled out forms, laughed with me, lunched with me afterward and generally held the space for me during the long, long day.

She gave me the huge gift of carving out an entire day to help me do something very intimate and VERY vital to my well being.

The doctor spent over an hour with us. There was never a whiff of him patronizing or discounting my own research into my condition (Interstitial Cystitis).

He was smart, kind, compassionate and extremely present.

He had some specific things to try but I witnessed in myself the huge shot of strength on every level- emotional, physical, spiritual from the unwavering gift of Presence both he and my girlfriend gave me.

I have to acknowledge myself for doing what it takes to keep looking for who and what are a part of my healing.

This whole journey I am on is really the ultimate testing ground for learning radical discriminatory abilities. If I don’t figure out real quick who and what boost my well-being I will die.

It is that simple.

And oh……such a tangle of thorns at times.

But HERE I AM STILL! A lover of Life and certainly, with endless gratitude and Grace, not alone.


5 Responses to “On the Road”

  1. gerry harty on March 18th, 2015

    Cathy…I so understand where your coming from.I don’t have MS but I have many health issues.I’m an RN and somedays it takes every ounce of energy to deal with those in the medical field!Thank you for putting into words what most of us can’t! Your not alone and your attitude towards life is awesome!!!1 xoxo gerry

  2. Barry on March 19th, 2015

    Cath, I have been battling UTIs for 2 1/2 years. 8 hospitalizations, 4 surgical procedures, in depth antibiotics, intermittent cathing, and more. I finally seem to be managing pretty well. I am always available to talk with you for as long as you want, and as wide open as you want!

  3. Jenny on March 19th, 2015

    Oh Cathy well done you and your friend and the medic. What a great thing to truly be seen and heard and actually it is good for your friend and doctor too. It sort of multiplies.

  4. Judith Henry on March 20th, 2015

    What a day! Filled with gifts and lessons learned. Thank you for taking us on your journey.

  5. KK on March 20th, 2015

    Humility = remaining teachable.

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