Sit. Stay. Lie Down.

hospital

“I would make a good disabled person” she said….

I laughed so hard I snorted.

I knew just what she meant.

Her world is the deep. Down there in her silent diving bell at depths few have braved are creatures that create their own light shows; they use their flickering and banded beams as lures to sustain themselves..to eat..to live.

When I sat down in my wheelchair I thought I’d get out; that it was a temporary rest.

Then the realization it wasn’t.

I continue to plumb my own deep and think about my situation here which becomes progressively more static.

Lately, I have been lying down more and more with the attitude of futility.

I hear myself complain more. My skin is paler and blush ain’t doin’ it.

My own “deep” has never been a lonely one for me. Till recently.

Because the way I roll is to be INTERESTED in what I see from my diving bell, I ask myself: “CATH..WHERE IS THAT PRIMAL URGE IN YOU THAT MAKES THIS LYING DOWN UNACCEPTABLE?”

Inside all this stripping down, the naked and trembling girl once again goes to find her perfect shade of red lipstick to re-enter the world.

The fact I keep asking this question is a miracle and surely not solely generated by me.

The heaviness of the diving bell releases it’s pressure as it surfaces once again and the girl emerges having tasted her own sweet tears but wanting/needing/knowing that her lover in life is THE GREAT URGE to sit back up and BE in that hallowed and innocent state of awareness which is her canvas now.

comments

4 Responses to “Sit. Stay. Lie Down.”

  1. Jim on March 7th, 2015

    Cathy, You’re looking to your future but I’m looking at a photo from your past. Those ceramic ghost/Venuses, both standing and lying down, are just wonderful!

  2. Chris on March 7th, 2015

    Cathy,

    Thank you for your vulnerability, therefore strength, in a glimpse of your world. I’m humbled, and grateful. You’re our light.

  3. Judy on March 7th, 2015

    This is raw, honest truth telling. Yet, it never loses sight of light’s possibility.

  4. KK on March 9th, 2015

    “…the naked and trembling girl once again goes to find her perfect shade of red lipstick to re-enter the world.” Oh, Cathy – you rock!

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