Remembering Myself

“RENAISSANCE”, 10’x3′,earth,MDF waterproof


I have been slipping into forgetting

The me I once was..

The one crawling over my studio table wearing a gas mask to protect me from fumes

And the woman journeying hours in her truck

Clad in overly worn sleeveless denim (still liked my arms then) tied at the waist

And shit-kicker boots

to collect something-or-other

To make this-thing-or-that.

Today, I wheeled over to the Santa Fe Convention Center to visit my sculpture resting there in the outdoor courtyard.

When I created this 10′ tall behemoth it was deep winter.

My home studio wasn’t big enough to construct it so I rented a storage unit.

That winter was way beyond cold. I could work for no more than an hour and a half before my fingers said no.

I was having fun but it was stressful because there were variables like the cold and I didn’t know if the materials I was using would set properly in such temperatures and this piece would be living outdoors eventually.

As an artist you just have to do it and pray.

All the years (6) this piece has been standing where it does have only added to its beauty.

I sat there today and marveled at the fact it held together perfectly and the plants surrounding it have taken to creeping up and around its girth.

It feels solid, content, noble.

I love it.

I love that old me.

But She is no better than the Me now.

Very, very different however.

I am glad to be aware of my inner and outer landscape shifting and shaping itself into other.

It was so rich to witness that old “me” today and remember all the skills she made use of

And my new life-tool kit is weirdly just as interesting.

There was that giant sculpture I created back in 2008 in a frigid storage unit wondering if it would hold

And here I am now sitting here in this wheelchair witnessing the work; satisfied I still have what it takes.

Seems like just a minute ago.


2 Responses to “Remembering Myself”

  1. Jim on May 4th, 2015

    Yes, Cathy, you still have what it takes!

  2. Jenny on May 7th, 2015

    I love this writing. Sometimes you look back and wonder what it was like before , when you could walk and use your body however you wanted . Sometimes I can’t remember, actually mostly I can’t. The present is so immediate and the needs of my own body , and those of some very close elderly relatives who have very few others, don’t let me drift for long. Keep posting please Cathy. It helps. Xx

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