Entrainment

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“SELF PORTRAIT” 24×24″,earth.ceramic,clay,bone,gold thread
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Each and every one of us was born perfect.

Then stuff happened.

Either we were blessed with a foundation to move and fly from with no cracks or faulty mortar

Or we lived inherently unsure the floor would hold us standing or falling.

All of us have our own laundry lists of curve balls we were thrown.

My personal list includes alcoholic father, depressed and emotionally challenged mother, perceived responsibility to keep four kids safe as the eldest child, extreme hyper-vigilance affording little rest, covert sexual abuse.

I have always been interested in why I developed MS as my physical constitution is unbelievably strong and always has been.

The metaphor of ones’ own immune system turning inward and attacking it’s self as happens in MS

Is an apt one when you think about it;

Living inside stress 24/7 with no let up would surely entrain the body systems into the ‘flight’ response.

I still don’t really know how to totally relax.

Coffee feels good because the vibe it carries matches the ever-present jittery core in me.

I drink it then hate it immediately afterwards.

I am so used the involuntary disturbed waters of my own frequency that I can mask it well.

The state of high alert is where the core of me resides.

My startle reflex is so high that everyone in my life knows never to stop by unannounced.

I live alone because living with another taxes my already ragged nervous system.

My whole life is crafted around cultivating peace.

I keep editing and editing and editing some more.

Each addition of energy comes with a tether and I must be judicious how I use my newly laundered life-force.

Ever so slowly my nervous system is reclaiming it’s original integrity with the salve of space.

My authentic voice strides proudly from behind thick and torn and over-used muscles I can begin to leave behind.

I am glad I survived. Survive still.

Thrive.

This recent TED talk is so potent in the discoveries of how stress affects us.

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2 Responses to “Entrainment”

  1. Alexandra Eldridge on June 27th, 2015

    Beautiful, Cathy.

  2. Debra Moody on June 28th, 2015

    …and yes, we don’t need another Chi trying to one-up you in the energy department. Onward! XO

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