Attached To Aspiration

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“GIRL”, 24×4,ceramic,steel
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I keep wanting to be more and better…

More adept dog guardian, better friend and sister, kinder to myself, conscious more of the time, serving more, living more, thinking more, taking better care of myself, writing better….

Desire…desire is a shady bedfellow.

On the one hand evolution is dependent on the reach.

A need arises and we up our game to fill the vacancy.

The Buddha said all suffering stems from desire:

“Suffering is a big word in Buddhist thought. It is a key term and it should be thoroughly understood. The Pali word is dukkha, and it does not just mean the agony of the body. It means that deep subtle sense of unsatisfactoriness which is a part of every mind moment and which results directly from the mental treadmill. The essence of life is suffering, said the Buddha. At first glance this seems exceedingly morbid and pessimistic. It even seems untrue. After all, there are plenty of times when we are happy. Aren’t there. No, there are not. It just seems that way. Take any moment when you feel really fulfilled and examine it closely. Down under the joy, you will find that subtle, all-pervasive undercurrent of tension, that no matter how great this moment is, it is going to end. No matter how much you just gained, you are either going to lose some of it or spend the rest of your days guarding what you have got and scheming how to get more. And in the end, you are going to die. In the end, you lose everything. It is all transitory.”

Henepola Gunaratana, from ‘Mindfulness in Plain English’.

Grabbing, grasping….we want and we want for the red carpet to keep on rolling so we can keep on strutting..taking selfies to make a decided mark in time that says: HERE I AM! I DID THIS! I AM UNBROKEN, A WARRIOR-IN-LIFE STILL! CATCH ME IF YOU CAN!

Then we break.

That whole deliciously ordered and insured finery of a life we made breaks.

Then, and I think only then do we begin exercising our heart instead of our biceps; pushing our pink heart way the hell beyond where we ever imagined it could go.

And this new topsy-turvy gym membership we never signed up for is the new landscape we face.

The workout regimen is made up of things like humility, surrender, patience, stillness, prayer, gratitude and acceptance.

None of these are bankable in themselves but over time a fine silken web gets woven and lends it’s strength to the re-creation of each as needed.

There is a kind of gorgeousness born of Brokenness.

It is a choice we never have the privilege of choosing until we break.

God help us all.

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2 Responses to “Attached To Aspiration”

  1. Hollis Walker on July 26th, 2015

    Dearest Cathy, How you say what we all need to hear! Indeed, my own brokenness has led me to nowhere but heart. I can leave all behind but that. Your posts remind me of that thing we share, which is so impossible to articulate. Thank you for doing so, so beautifully.
    XOXOXOXOX Hollis theboobyblog.com, holliswalker.com

  2. Jenny on July 27th, 2015

    God has and is and will again, always. Love to you and Emma.

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