Singularity

Attitude Adjustment1
monoprint, 30×22″
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We see moral and social conventions as inhibitions on our personal freedoms, and yet we are frightened of anyone who goes away from the crowd and develops “eccentric” habits.”

-Maria Popova

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Many years ago an acquaintance spied me sitting at a local cafe. He came up and said: “You are always alone.” Following a few less loaded pleasantries he left my table clearly still bemused.

I’ve never forgotten those few moments and am still learning from them.

He left me and I felt pink from shame.

But also there was the unapologetic part of me who knew the salve of the singularity I so often choose. It has saved me time and time again.

Alone is not the same as lonely.

The art of being alone is just that; an art.

Choosing singularity is natural for me and always has been. Being in the company of others reduces my access to the “space between the lines” I meander when engaged being the voyeur-in-life I cherish.

I watch. I listen. I allow Life to be it’s organic self.

My days are unstructured enough that I need not live the Cliff Notes version of anything. I let myself be IN IT…OF IT.

I am a gatherer. An archaeologist. A deep sea diver and a beach walker.

Treasures EVERYWHERE! (given the space to appear..).

I love the people I love.

AND I can be who I am with them in large part due to the most important medication I take: Silence and singularity.

Past intimate relationships have proven mountainous challenges to my nervous system; did I say the right thing?.. compromise graciously?.. remember that?.. praise enough?… stay present?.. give what was needed? expected?….

My “man-picker-radar” is not evolved enough to have chosen partners amenable to my eccentricities.

And so- I am mostly easy, content and grateful inside the single life I lead.

You may think this is a case of “Love what you’ve got and shut up about the rest of it” but I assure you I DO love what I have. It feeds and supports me as no other life could.

Does that make me weird?

comments

2 Responses to “Singularity”

  1. Alexis McNaughton on July 28th, 2015

    The weirdest…..in the best way possible. And I join you in your weirdness.
    xxx

  2. gerry harty on July 28th, 2015

    I swear we must be twins from a previous life!!! I have always been asked why am I so quiet?It made me feel like I was flawed in some way.Truth is I am an observer and I love to listen…and I am alone 85% of the time…I am also an Aquarian!!! Thank you again cathy for your wonderful way with words xoxo

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