detail of painting on wool flannel


The intensity of disintegration around and in me is profound these days.

People are getting divorced, ill, angry, scared, petulant and numb.

The only sense I can make out of the whole thing is that every part of this earthly rearrangement we are in the middle of is helping us give up our addiction to comfort and begin to reacquaint ourselves with the powers as yet unexplored sufficiently.

We as humans and a community of cultures, need this rugged overhaul.

It feels bad. It looks ugly, embarrassing and inconvenient. We’re all in the dark to some extent as our security reserves whether they be physical strength or monetary or closely held beliefs or beloved jobs and the security of home and family expectations are all being challenged.

What used to work just doesn’t.

I keep using my own body as a petrie dish.. the microcosm of the macro; something exciting and terrifying is happening both to me and to us.

We all know that nothing new can happen unless the vase that is filled to the brim (investments, physical prowess, comfort of velcro-ed on beliefs) is emptied.

Then there is a period of drought. Yuk. We hate not being comfortable. I hate not being comfortable.

BUT THEN… then the vase begins to fill.. we re-learn how to re-frame; relationships are rearranged, abandoned or discovered…what seemed an end is just the beginning. I see that my disabilities are not the death sentence I once felt they were but that my creativity is fuller, richer, infinitely wider than before my diagnosis.

We begin to make a difference instead of going after being different.

My own comfort is inextricably linked to yours.

It is a horrible thing that humans don’t change unless we have to.

Now we have to. I have to.

I am just going to trust that everything is as it should be. Fighting it doesn’t work.

Today I’ll just witness the underlying perfection unfolding and leave my judgement and complaints behind.

Just for today.


4 Responses to “Re-frame”

  1. Rick Stevens on August 31st, 2015

    Whew! That was inspiring to read. Thank you for your courage and ability to express it Cathy! Even though I am aware of the disintegration most of the time, I still spend a lot of energy trying to stall it, if not deny it.

  2. Debra Moody on August 31st, 2015

    We begin to make a difference instead of going after being different.



  3. Hollis Walker on September 2nd, 2015

    Darling Cathy, You are right on the money! I read your blog (and I don’t read blogs, generally) because you are succinct and to the point and don’t shirk from the difficult. You’re as amazing as a thinker/writer as you were as a visual artist. Who knew that all those years you were making art that would someday illustrate your blog?

  4. Jenny on September 7th, 2015

    Cathy, I have pondered this post very much and come to love it and I know that somehow we have to lose much , have the surface scarred off, down deeper off as well, and with that we find something new. And then maybe again until we find even more . And it is glorious but very painful. And every cell can feel tender and raw.and I can feel very exposed. And wish I had my old small ego coat still on! (But only briefly, I wouldn’t go back)

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