What Is It Like To Be Disabled?

not neutral
“NOT NEUTRAL” m/m, 1994, 48x 28″
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The closest I can come to describing my present physical reality

Is to have you imagine that each action taken feels like a six-point turn

To extricate ones’ car from a tight parking place.

The width of the wheelchair demands vigilance sussing out whether it will clear a door jam or cabinet.

My tinny-thin appliances bear the scars of unconscious spacial discernment.

Pulling up pants with one arm as I dress provokes guttural moaning on off days.

Just try it.

Within a more balanced mind set I can negotiate getting out of bed calmly

As I raise up my torso by the grace of my beloved adjustable bed, position the chair, push myself to standing, carefully pivot, lower body into chair, lift legs onto footplate and go forward into the next task which likely demands equal vigilance.

I yearn for nonchalance.

The cumulative weariness this life provokes is so insidious.

So used to being warrior-like in life this feels little different until I realize I must REST IN THE SOLACE OF SILENCE

Not as a pleasure but the only buffer I know to smooth the chalkboard screeching of too much body-centricism .

Perhaps this is why I swoon within the experience of being served a luscious meal in a genteel setting

And thrill in the simple pleasure of rolling ’round with the eyes of a voyeur, Emma rooted in my lap, mind emptying..resting…empty…empty.

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3 Responses to “What Is It Like To Be Disabled?”

  1. Alexandra Eldridge on August 26th, 2015

    I will use this as my mantra: Rest in the Solace of Silence. Thank-you for teaching us all. xxA

  2. Karen on August 26th, 2015

    . . . . this is exactly what I am yearning for today “nonchalance” perfect.

  3. Adele on August 28th, 2015

    The greatest ability is to love
    Most disabilities are unseen
    Your ability shines bright

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