I Met You With Space

winter
untitled, 40×32, m/m
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It has been a few years since I have seen my brother who came to visit this past weekend from Maine.

He is the youngest and I the eldest.

I felt a bit anxious before his arrival because neither of us is the best communicator with one another and there was so very much I didn’t know.

We also had survived a very challenging few years forced to deal with financial decisions tumbling us both like a lapidary machine.

Inward we both retreated to lick our wounds for years.

Befriending my mortality as I have chosen to do brought to my awareness I missed how my brother and I laughed once upon a time.

Would I ever get to do that with him again?

Had he lost all respect for me because my choices have been different than his?

Would I die without knowing that HE KNOWS how much I love him?

I made a conscious decision to empty our playing field before he arrived; swept myself clean of attitude, opinion, doubt and fear.

Space in my heart is what I would and could offer him as my love present.

He walked through the door..looking so very handsome and light!

He had not experienced me in a wheelchair and I asked him if he felt weird.

“Well…it’s different. I was expecting it though.” I loved his truth-telling which he did the whole time he was here.

We rolled around as I introduced him to my coffee spot, favorite people.

He gamely took Emma’s leash as she was dressed in a leopard winter coat. Now THAT takes some testosterone don’tcha know?

We vowed to not participate in family secrets when possible..he bought me dinners and delivered coffee and wanted only to support me in any way he could.

During our visit my heart and body melted any armoring I had taken on due to inaccurate realities I had concocted

And what was left was pure love.

Pure Love..blood Love..genetic sharing recognition love…Love period.

Just Space and Love.

Space.

The freedom of Space.

The gift of Space to Be.

Space to Be Love.

I love you.

comments

3 Responses to “I Met You With Space”

  1. Debra Moody on October 27th, 2015

    I am crying all over my keyboard, I recently saw my older brother when I went to the funeral of my younger brother’s son in Vermont. I hadn’t seen either in person in many years. But it was my older brother, who I saw walking across the rows and rows of buried veterans that almost brought me to my knees. I had missed him so much – more than I realized – and any of the past family foibles meant absolutely nothing in that moment. Nothing.

    Just space and love.

    Thank you so much, Cathy. I love you sweet friend

  2. Alexandra Eldridge on October 29th, 2015

    Happy for you both. What a beautiful encounter. “Just space and love”. That is it!! xxxA

  3. Adele on October 29th, 2015

    Right to the Heart

    thank you thank you thank you

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