Letting Go- again…

moving
CATERPILLAR, 2004, 12x4x2″,ceramic
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I sold my beautiful car.

A few years ago my sister and brother-in-law gifted me their Honda mini-van as their chicks flew the coop and I desperately needed a vehicle I could outfit with a power wheelchair lift.

This was more than a car to me…more a mobile hug from people that love me.

It kept me free.

For a long time.

One day in a Target parking lot I was attending to putting my chair in the power lift and taking my walker out of the back in order to walk from the back of the car to the drivers seat.

This angular lady in a convertible passed me by and took in the disability theater I was performing and proceeded to give me THE LOOK

Whose subtext was something like: “REALLY??? YOU ARE THIS DISABLED AND YOU ARE STILL DRIVING?? I’M GETTIN’ AWAY FROM YOU FAST.”

Granted this was my subjective interpretation but God speaks in mysterious ways.

The fact is this reaction to me infected my blood had me think long and hard about my driving capabilities.

It was then I chose to stop driving.

Moving from risking my own and other’s lives and remaining what I called “FREE”

To dependancy on my caregiver and friends to cart me around was strangely easy.

Selling my beloved van this week (time lapse about 2 years) was couched in the same ease.

There was no gripping, no tantrum.

Resignation and grief were there..are here.

I guess I’m getting better at living inside “WHAT IS”.

Freedom is still mine with great dial-up van service and my proximity to downtown Santa Fe for chair roll-abouts daily.

The idea of being free seems to have a lot to do with the very action of letting go of what we think we can’t live without

And finding the room left over, previously tightly occupied, has a giant updraft built right in…

Or maybe I’m just fooling myself

Because the reality is too gritty?

Either way- I choose the up-draft thing

Just because I can.

comments

One Response to “Letting Go- again…”

  1. Debra Moody on October 14th, 2015

    Thanks for this, my brilliant guru.

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