Now and Now

re-fine
monoprint,22×30″
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Now that I am in possession of my familiar state of consciousness following my hospital visit of late

I have the luxury of space and quiet to comb through who I am today.

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“Instead of trusting
that people around you will never betray you
or that your world won’t end or that you won’t die,
you trust what is here.

You save the world by taking responsibility for your awakening
and then where that awakening leads to, you follow.”

~~ Gangaji

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I enjoyed that I could write my previous blog post ‘tongue in cheek’ as it was.

It said to me that the whole experience did not “GET ME” and take me down.

I am already uninterested enough to avoid hanging out in the drama/trauma; not too much story telling about it.

I remember feeling so altered and hating the feeling but still having it in me to say: “Well Cath..if this is going to be what you have to live with for the rest of your life you better make peace ASAP”.

All we have is now.

And now.

And then another now.

One seems not really that much better or worse than the other to me

Except my vanity would still like no holes in my sweaters to betray the ever present mess lurking in my shadows. Oh well…I bow to that too.

I am so NOT INDEPENDENT anymore.

The past illusion I comforted myself with (my old independent self) was a shiny car built to impress with oiled gears, genteel in their ease of taking corners.

Now I am decidedly INTERDEPENDENT.

Hospital bound I needed stuff:

I needed my core people to pick up the threads of my unravelled mind and negotiate care for me with no direction which they all did with the love and protection of family.

I needed to yell out of the ambulance to my neighbors to call someone who would take care of Emma and know that they would.

I needed help with food and it was there for me.

All this need and provision adds up to LOVE which sounds saccharine in the word’s utter overuse of late

But it has the gravity of the Sacred we all seem so removed from these days.

Tis the season.

Love someone.

Now.

And Now.

comments

8 Responses to “Now and Now”

  1. Nina on November 30th, 2015

    Again…WOW! The truth, the witness ,the truth be told…
    Xo

  2. Pam on November 30th, 2015

    Fantastic blog Cath – all is now and all is love

  3. Alexandra Eldridge on November 30th, 2015

    You are the continual teacher. Your words are what we read in the greatest of Sages. Amazed and amazing. Love, Love, A.

  4. gerry harty on November 30th, 2015

    You are simply the best!!! It’s all about love!!! Brilliant writing Cathy!!! xoxo gerry

  5. SHARON ROSE on November 30th, 2015

    And so it is….with so much Love xoxoxoxoxo

  6. Debra Moody on November 30th, 2015

    Optimist:

    Someone who figures that taking a step
    backward after staking a step forward is
    not a disaster,
    it’s a cha-cha.

    – Robert Brault

    You are a rock star. XOXO

  7. Rita Kindl Myers on December 1st, 2015

    A beautiful post…I must share.

  8. Catherine Siciliano on December 13th, 2015

    So good – such wisdom, truth, beautiful writing!

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