Finding Your Seat

lying down
ceramic, 22×4″
___________

.

I’ve been thinking about my 1973 Camaro.

It was yellow with a black interior; bumble bee-esque

But faster.

Taking my seat in the machine was a spiritual experience.

It hung low.

One was asked to sort of bow ones head and curl a bit to enter the space.

When you arrived in the seat you felt held, secure, loved even.

It was a seat that was just given as a gift and one needed to just show up, appreciate and go.

Riding a horse was never that way for me.

I never could find my seat.

Horses are different than cars.

They have a fleshy heart for one thing..alive..breathing moist air.

I bumped along and did exactly all the things I knew to be incorrect; tensing my body, trying to MAKE the horse do what I wanted instead of making a relationship.

This was all out of fear.

I had no fear in my Camaro.

After the last 2 weeks of having to use an unfamiliar loaner wheelchair (mine having motor repaired) and trying in vain to adjust to the lack of support I was used to in my own chair

Today, I took delivery of my newly-motored chair.

I sat down and it did not feel like my Camaro of old

But I decidedly had my seat in this machine familiar to me.

It was not a seat that came with the luxury of provision the Camaro had

But one I’ve had to find and create on my own by trial and error; sit up straight, tuck my tailbone a bit, raise my chest exuding entering life on a positive vibe, tuck in my skirt to avoid getting it tangled in the wheels, balance my tailbones (unequal in position), rest equal weight on both arms, lift chin to avoid victim mode, make sure I have enough back support.

I never had to do any of this shit in my yellow Camaro.

Slip in. Sigh. Smell the good smell. Go.

The level of work most of us have to do in life is the wheelchair mode of finding our seat. Or bumping along trying to be at one with our horse (marriage, kid, illness, job…).

The discovery process of getting to Camaro-esque ease

From a wooden, inflexible gallop

Is the stuff of life.

Adjust, compromise, decide how much you can tolerate, create solutions, never lose hope, ask for help, take the help, enjoy what you’ve got.

comments

4 Responses to “Finding Your Seat”

  1. Adele on August 11th, 2016

    Amen
    You are so amazingly beautiful xxxx

  2. Alexandra Eldridge on August 11th, 2016

    You never cease to amaze me. I hope all this is going into a book. So wise and beautiful! xxxxA

  3. Alexis McNaughton on August 11th, 2016

    love this! and so glad you got your chair back. xx

  4. gerry harty on August 12th, 2016

    I so needed to hear your wise voice this morning.The last sentence said it all.Thank you Cathy…xoxo

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