Dirty Girl

detail; clay, earth


In my youth I had such a poor awareness of my own uniqueness.

Growing up is the process of our inner, mostly unformed trove of gathering knowledge

Moving from the innocence of watery, exciting, untested and scary thoughts and ideas sloshing ’round our brain

Eventually settling into the solid geometry of things we KNOW.

As an adult I notice two distinct kinds of intelligence in me:

CRYSTALLINE being the library of linear, geometric, tried and tested knowledge I count on to navigate my world

And the FLUID kind I depend on as an artist and woman interested in evolving.

If I think of a glass filled with water as a metaphor for fluid intelligence; the brain being the glass…

The qualities of water are things like changeable, has depth, unpredictable, can be cool or hot, liquid or gas, ice or steam, healing, vital for survival.

Intelligence which has crystallized has done so over time; beginning as viscous and settling into it’s own unique beauty and precision of it’s resting geometry.

In choosing the people we feel comfortable and safe having the job of governing our country, a majority of crystalline knowledge to draw from in ensuring history does not repeat itself feels important

As well as good dose of the liquid to allow the intuition and guidance needed to shift and flex as we need to within relationship.

My life as an artist has been possible because my mind is weighted toward a more liquid form of intelligence.

It seems human relationships and effective partnerships are often initiated by the draw of the ‘other’

Meaning my tendency toward liquidity needs the balance of the crystalline to feel whole.

Getting there feels so messy..learning and evolving is dirty business..not knowing but wanting to know feels embarrassing and raw.

But then doing only those things I am sure I’m going to be good at may feel calm and without static but awe seldom gets a seat at that table.

I want the magic, the new landscapes, the poetry yet to be written.

To get there I must face the terror of the blank page, constant erasure and re-boot, no library to pull from, no signage to point the way.

Just one foot in front of the other knowing my sneakers will never, ever, ever stay clean.


2 Responses to “Dirty Girl”

  1. Ellen Fox on October 11th, 2016

    Do you know the work of Emily Conrad. Google her video. It’s all about the fluid body.

  2. Alexis on October 11th, 2016

    Very astute Cathy. Both are necessary to stay balanced. Beautiful essay.

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