What Happened?

Untitled-1

I have a good friend in my life who asks me 10,000 questions.

If I were to describe him I might say he is one gigantic heart of curiosity.

His questions come with no fear; “Show me how you transfer from your chair. Does it hurt when….? Can you do this? What does it feel like when….?

His unabashed interest makes me laugh and feel so light.

Over time I have come to understand the vital importance of letting those around me know how things ARE for me.

They see me all put together when I meet with them; stationary in the seat of my chair all dressed..physically and psychologically ready to be with them in as present a way as possible.

No one but Emma sees what I do or how it looks or how it sounds to get to the place where I am balanced enough in psyche and physicality to offer my best self in relationship.

People who love me want the whole of me, I know. Living alone as I do offers plenty of hide-out space to keep the raw mess of pain, weakness, fatigue and sloth to myself.

Today is painful.

It makes me hate everyone.

I rolled down the street in tears as I sang to Emma on my way to be just a wee bit a part of the masses hoping to find some feeling of connection as opposed to the revulsion my vulnerable humanness imprisoned me in this morning.

I am usually very adept in shifting my state of being.

Pain is different and new-ish to me. A new and unfamiliar landscape.

I love when my friend asks all his questions. I love his fearlessness in wanting to know me. It takes a lot of the work of educating someone how to be with me out of the equation.

Very infrequently a stranger will ask: “What happened to you that you use a wheelchair?”

Most often it is a kid with the questions.

I just adore being asked ANY question, really. Curiosity, to me is the foundation of Life’s lusciousness.

It is a big unknown whether a person is open to questions at a particular time or not but the only way to know is to try one out and gauge the response.

For me I say: “Bring em on”.

I will answer the ones I can and think about the ones I can’t but be grateful you were interested enough to brave the asking.

comments

6 Responses to “What Happened?”

  1. Karen on October 19th, 2016

    Hahaha Cathy you may regret this one! (but you are a shining star and your light illuminates more places than you will ever know)

  2. Nina on October 19th, 2016

    As always inspiring and so very open. I think you speak for so many …ask ,just ask.xoxox
    So I ask,
    Do you get relief from the pain? Is it worse in the morning when you first are out of bed?
    Xoxox
    Nina

  3. Cathy on October 20th, 2016

    Hi Nina! So glad you asked..
    The pain I experience happens in my tailbone. A very intense electrical pulsing from damage to nerves there exacerbated by sitting so much. Pain pills help except for yesterday! Also CBD cannabis oil seems to have an effect at times. No particular time of day. xxxxxxx

  4. Cathy on October 20th, 2016

    LOL…xxx

  5. Dennis Chamberlain on October 23rd, 2016

    “Curiosity to me is the foundation of life’s lusciousness”. What a creative statement! In my studies into the neuro-science of creativity, curiosity is one of the primary ingredients. But I digress….. My question for you is, since you are so prolific in your writing, and since you must type with your left hand, so you have to “hunt and peck” with one finger or do you have a system to use all five fingers?

  6. Cathy on October 24th, 2016

    I am avoiding using the ‘talk to text’ DRAGON software as I find it meditative to hunt and peck .. The time it takes helps me digest what arises out of me. Writing this way, the action of typing with a bit of effort acts as a comfortable bridge between me and the page..similar to how some writers still like yellow pads and a pencil I guess. Pretty dinosauresque but then again I still use a flip phone.

Leave a Reply