One Smile

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me with my beloved former dog, Livvy
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Pain…emotional, physical or spiritual alters everything.

In it…I fiercely war with my self and everything/one else.

Life gets VERY personal.

Sensing my “personal” finiteness as I do

Has me scrambling a bit to learn what I can learn. NOW.

There is a sense of grief as many of my coveted interests and inspirations close up shop and fade in importance; art, being part of a couple, fashion magazines, looking forward to finishing a project for the thrill of presenting it to the world, reading fiction, making sure my eyebrows are well plucked..

Beyond the doors of melancholy regarding these so-called losses

Is SPACE.

The space between all the stuff and discomfort and suffering of every kind.

It is me without the overlay of the precious personal.

Yesterday I sat in my favorite cafe window coveting my cappuccino thankful for my sunglasses masking a tear stained face

Unable to assuage the electrical jolts emanating from my tailbone.

The thing I hate most is the body-centricity I can’t avoid inside the pain.

I looked out the window and a sweet faced young man/boy walking by turned to me and as his eyes met mine

He lit up a moment and smiled a full smile lasting just part of a moment.

Then he was gone.

The power in that momentary light he gave me healed my weary and tattered “person”

And re-connected me to the much, much larger “ME”

Which actually is WE.

Instantly, I was out of my little personal me and I rolled out into my day full of the gift of freedom

Given so innocently by a teenage boy.

Every part of my “personal” reality remained the same

But in the face of his light..THE LIGHT

My values all intantaneosly re-arranged themselves like a genius with a Rubik’s Cube.

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photo: Sharon Rose Dozar

comments

2 Responses to “One Smile”

  1. Paul on November 7th, 2016

    Cathy, I can’t imagine what it is like to live inside a body that causes so much pain, discomfort, and frustration. I admire your courage and fortitude to rise above the pain as best you can and embrace LOVE. (and I thank Emma for being there for you when so many of us cannot…)

  2. Cathy on November 7th, 2016

    Thanks dear Paul..It seems to be all about learning how to hold the opposites inside us as Carl Jung so aptly said.. Perpetual student using cards I am dealt! All good in the end as you know xxxxxx

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