untitled, 40×60,m/m




My yesterday began being scrunched and loaded into the long and lonely belly of an MRI machine.

We are trying to discover the source of pain in my tailbone so pretty much all of me had to go in the tube before my pelvis got to the picture place.

My…the air was good in there..

I’m serious.  A bit beachy… fresh with a tad of humidity.

I am not claustrophobic.   That is good.  The tech people were visibly relieved.

When the giant jackhammer noises began I was glad of the earplugs.

I knew I’d be in there for half an hour at least so I pulled my consciousness in and quieted my breath.

I felt very even throughout the test; never moved a muscle.

Curiosity is my main bedfellow these days and I thought: ” Interesting noise” and “Weird sensation” and “Why am I so calm?”

Later the same day Emma and I rolled our way to the park.

Same feeling:  Even.

The light was heavenly and the kids were gyrating at the pigeons like always.

I met some people I really liked a lot and looked up at the sky in gratitude as I do.

The evening had the same quality of curiosity I carried into the MRI machine.

One of these experiences was not better than the other, I noticed.

I found this realization curious.


6 Responses to “Even”

  1. Carole Zoom on June 15th, 2017

    I always feel comfortable in medical settings — very familiar to me.

  2. Adele on June 15th, 2017

    You are in the zone my friend
    Lighting up the streets of downtown
    Aren’t we all so lucky xxxxxxxxxxx

  3. Ellen Fox on June 15th, 2017

    You seem tp be mastering equanimity. This is of course a desired outcome of meditation practice. At our Koan Salon yesterday an old/new member told this story. He was on retreat with Joseph Goldstein and developed shingles. He went to Joseph and told him that he didn’t think the pain would allow him to continue.
    Jospeh asked him not to label the sensations “pain,” and recommened that he stay and sit with what was happening. He did and told us that eventually he experienced “fire and ice, fire and ice” etc and and then had an experince of ecstasy. So he was able to deconstruct the concept of pain which then dissapated. Wish I could do that with afflictions.
    The image on here is gorgeous.

  4. Dennis Chamberlain on June 15th, 2017

    Curiosity, tranquility, creativity, patience…….. optimism, and acceptance. All those qualities show themselves in your writing of this wonderfully thoughtful piece.

  5. Barbara McDaniel on June 16th, 2017

    I’m listening <3

  6. Barbara McDaniel on June 16th, 2017

    I’m listening, you are beautiful.

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