Apologies for my extended silence.

If I don’t have anything to say, I don’t.

I have been shifting with the season.

In order for new stuff to come in the old has to die off as we all know but I never like it while it’s happening.

Like the leaves, my energies feel brittle and warm from the advent of composting.

I acted as sounding board for a friend conflicted in his decision-making process whether to stay in Santa Fe and continue in business which has been a challenge for the past year

Or to return to his familiar life back east where his income was safe and he knew exactly what to expect.

He was freaked out because he is pushed to the wall time-wise with head and heart battling it out.

His bottom line ended up being “PURPOSE” and deciding what that is for him; recognizing his unwillingness to live the remainder of his life without it.

Putting words to our purpose feels important.

For me, the diminishing capabilities of ambulatory living and even two hands to count on have forced me to welcome the heat of my own leaves which have fallen; on the composting trail to new and fertile soil.

Dirty, messy business to face the need to shift from one identity to the next.

I might say that my past and pre-MS identity and purpose was that of an artist bringing beauty and interest into the world.

Today, I understand that to merely exist with as much awareness and appreciation as I can muster

As well as be a reflection for the miracle that is us

Is my purpose.

Really the same thing I was doing as an artist

Just not “in form”.

After all is said and done

To BE…to exist

Is enough.

I wish I felt more kindly toward that pesky “composting” part though….

A work in progress we are.

I don’t remember Spring every occurring without the “dying to be re-born” part.

Do you?

Yuk. and Yay!


9 Responses to “Purpose”

  1. Carole Zoom on September 28th, 2017

    Beautifully said. After all is said and done
    To BE…to exist
    Is enough….

  2. Dominique Mazeaud on September 28th, 2017

    This is so profound. Through your art of living, you are helping so many of us deal with our lot. I’ll definitely read today’s post again. My heart’s hands are reaching out to yours.

  3. Irene on September 28th, 2017

    It’s amazing what gifts come to me when I’m focused on “being,” as opposed to “doing.”

  4. Adele on September 28th, 2017

    i see you bringing more beauty to the world than anyone I know

  5. Becky patterson on September 28th, 2017

    So glad I read this . How beautifully written are these truths of dying every minute were alive and to just BE. But even MORE beautiful to know observe and own this. My 93 yr old mother ( who used be be so busy with her hands refinishing furniture, caning chairs, restoring antique cars). Can’t do those things now. Sitting under a tree doing nothing I asked what she was doing. “JUST BEING”, she said. Im72, used to be a busy constructive artist and I wish I had that peace of idleness. Compost. Brittle LEAVES. YOUR WRITIN IS ESSENCE OF SIMPLICITY

  6. Joe on September 29th, 2017

    Thanks, Cathy.

    Reminded me that often people wth nothing to say…..still do.

    You will always be a power of example to me.



  7. Ellen Fox on September 29th, 2017

    HI Cathy,

    Yes, “just” being is hard to come by unless we are forced into it. You might enjoy looking at the website of Jeannie Zandi. She is all about being and presence.
    Interesting essays. She is, in my opinon, an awakened being haveinng passed through a dark night of the soul.

  8. gerry harty on September 29th, 2017

    Cathy you are such a treasure and your honesty is so wonderful it fills my soul! I am so happy to have you as a friend…Love,Gerry.

  9. Jann Tenenbaum on October 3rd, 2017

    Yuk & Yay….so Cathy, don’t think I’ll ever forget that. Love you, all YAY

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