Freedom


detail painted wool flannel

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On the street recently I met Monica; a lovely butter-colored puffer clad woman of an age who shared with me she had recently paid to have a new small dog enclosed park built nearby.

No small feat what with fencing, getting city approval etc..

I soaked in her uber-generosity as I rolled home.

Since Emma was a street dog in Los Angeles before we met and likely a puppy mill resident before that

Her history of the pleasures of just plain being a dog were severely truncated.

When taken to the new park and let off the leash she was very confused without the familiar thread to her person.

She remained in one place just looking around and yawning from anxiety.

Witnessing the learning curve to enter freedom is really interesting for me as a wheelchair user.

My own learning curve is to continue negotiating constant loss of freedoms

And how to stay free within the peeling away of those I take for granted.

My wheelchair was picked up by the repair company yesterday as it needed over-hauling.

I was grateful they left me with a loaner at least

Though it is far inferior to mine.

Venturing out last night to walk Emma the motor began faltering and I turned around to barely make it home.

Here I sit for at least a week able to use this chair around the house but no more.

I feel like a caged animal having lost my freedom;

A visceral inner howl.

Big STOP.

Each cell of me is wriggling with discontent.

To get through this I understand meditation to be my salve; get quiet..sit down and know there is nowhere to go and deal with the fucking truth of THAT.

Nowhere to go.

Nowhere to go…..

Nowhere to go…………..

I am free.

comments

5 Responses to “Freedom”

  1. Shanti on November 17th, 2017

    I hear you

  2. Adele on November 17th, 2017

    May we gather to help ?

  3. Becky Patterson on November 17th, 2017

    Love the painted wool. Love wool since we grew it. What a profound comparison. A dog on a leash or bird or animal in a cage. We don’t think about their imprisonment. But you. Losing freedoms in big small physical ways. How wrenching. But I love your ending. From a cat to freedom. You are wonderful. Have a dented heart of gold

  4. Becky Patterson on November 17th, 2017

    Signed up to fix my typo of last message. Meant: I LOVE HOW YOU WENT FROM ANGST TO PEACE ACCEPTANCE FREEDOM. Call them to bring another wheel chair. It’s hard to BE STILL

  5. Ed Keller on November 17th, 2017

    Wow! True and raw! In our current world of falsehood, real honesty is rare and needs honoring… Thanks for being brave enough to put the real stuff out there!

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