Saying What’s So


my friend Jann and me (different friend from birthday letter)

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Today, my wonderful girlfriend took me to a fancy place for a celebratory birthday breakfast.

As a gift she gave me a hand written letter I will keep always in which she told me who I am for her and how knowing me enhances her life.

I watched an OPRAH interview recently.

She spoke of having interviewed thousands of people from all spectrums of life; presidents to paupers and they ALL wanted to know the same thing:

“WAS I OK? WAS THAT OK? DO YOU THINK THEY HEARD ME?”

My friends birthday letter made me feel truly seen.

I continue to direct my consciousness toward unpeeling the layers of myself which do not feel authentic.

A giant swath of my life energy has been devoted to this quest.

In her letter she let me know my hard work in this arena is inspiring to her and the woman I have become and am becoming is someone she loves dearly.

Now, at a ripe 63 years of age

As I sit here in my wheelchair with almost total loss of my right hand and arm

I wonder what my purpose is?

The identity of an artist is gone.

I find it hard to believe I am not sorry.

My creativity remains very alive.

These days most of my life energy is directed toward upgrading the frequency of my whole being;

Frustrated Cath? Can I move myself into the frequency of calm acceptance then a step further into small steps forward ensuring something resembling success?

Soaking in depression as I watch a highly regarded film I was hating I wanted to leave but not to disappoint my friend sitting next to me. I left..thrilled to access the double doors as I exited the theater and feeling my frequency jettison into happiness at my choice to vote for mySELF!

I have a sense my core purpose is to become the best version of me by continuing to elevate myself when I am so often tempted to just curl in and armor up or let unconscious behavior go instead of saying: “Yeah, I did that and I am sorry.”

My friend let me know she sees me and I matter.

This gift of really SEEING one another and TELLING THOSE AROUND US THAT WE DO

Is purpose enough for me.

comments

10 Responses to “Saying What’s So”

  1. Irene on February 6th, 2018

    Happy birthday…you may no longer be a visual artist but now you create images with words that touch our hearts and make us think. 🙂

  2. Irene on February 6th, 2018

    Happy birthday…you may no longer be a visual artist but now you create images with words that touch our hearts and make us think. 🙂

  3. Debra Moody on February 6th, 2018

    Yes. Yes, you do matter. We see you. Always.

  4. Alexandra Eldridge on February 6th, 2018

    Happy Birthday, Cathy! It is easier to see you than ever. xxA

  5. Ellen Fox on February 6th, 2018

    Girlfriends are the best! They can really see us. Happy Birthday!

  6. Paul Drescher on February 7th, 2018

    Happy birthday, dear one! The Shape of Water, I bet! Not a movie for you– much too gross. Glad you had the courage to roll out. With one arm and no legs, you’re pretty damn productive and resilient Hopefully you get a better movie for your efforts next time! Sending a birthday hug–
    XO

  7. Barbara on February 7th, 2018

    Happy Birthday to an artist, writer, poet. Would love to see your writings in a book.
    May your birthday be the day you want.

  8. gerry harty on February 7th, 2018

    Happy Birthday fellow

    Happy Birthday fellow Aquarius!!!

    Happy Birthday fellow Aquarius!!!xoxo Gerry

  9. gerry harty on February 7th, 2018

    So sorry!!!!I spend too much time on my ipad…actually it’s rather funny!!!xoxo

  10. Dominique Mazeaud on February 7th, 2018

    I am moved and so inspired…

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