How We Learn To Discern

my garden


Discernment can be a foggy affair

If we don’t know ourselves truly.

Meandering through life for so many years as a people-pleaser as I did,

In search of love in all the wrong places

Had me making decisions from a fake place.

This is where MS comes in as one of the best things to ever happen to me;

I now haven’t the energy to concoct much of anything

So most of me is true;

Solidly my highest accomplishment to date.

If one is not visited by the magnitude of an ego-crushing illness

Which can assist in the process if we let it

How can we learn what is true and real for us

In the way of food or belief or partner or career or fashion or art or music or terrain or color preference even?

If I wear the color green I feel sick…

In my stomach and in my head.

Every time…

Green equals yuk.

Now, it was many, many years into this particularly potent equation

That I finally understood why

But that is sort of beside the point;

Green is so viscerally NOT my color that I could not NOT notice.

In my beginning to pay attention to finding out my TRUE likes and dislikes

The ensuing reaction to BAD NEWS had to be big enough to get through the murk and sticky mire

Of trying to be liked

Because there is a sneaky little thing that feels really, really addictively grand

When you figure correctly and give someone what they think they want.

After a few years of this study my refinement increased and I can now feel pretty close to in-the-moment when I’m in-sync.


Otherwise, we are living a virtual existence created to achieve the “best” response from another.


ps- I abhor green because my mother re-decorated my bedroom as a child with chartreuse as the main color of rug,paint,fabric without asking me what I might like. My current self loves white…go figure.



3 Responses to “How We Learn To Discern”

  1. Jenny on May 10th, 2018

    Isn’t it funny how sometimes we suddenly get why we react from our very gut or core? Like green for you? It’s like AHA. Lovely to see you writing . Xx to Em too

  2. Becky Patterson on May 10th, 2018

    This is so right. And you’ve done this. The TRUTH of the Velveteen Rabbit. That’s been beat up but is real. I long to accomplish this. I love “my refinement increased”. I’ll remember that. We struggle on. I love you over here in Texas. Becky

  3. Adele Rosen on May 10th, 2018

    Having been struck by injury and illness in the last two years, your words are so deeply true to me
    I realized so quickly this time from the ER to my urgent appendectomy the silver linings that blessed me so
    Presence Humility Gratitude Oneness
    How to stay conscious present and gracious is the work as soon as I’m feeling better and moving faster
    I fail as soon as I start driving
    Thank you for your shining light

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