A Clean Compassion
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The human condition is not all about comfort.
Blessed are we who get some.
I used to think being a compassionate person meant doing the best I could to attempt re-creating all the feelings, drama, grief, loss or whatever a person was experiencing
INSIDE MYSELF IN SOLIDARITY.
I finally realized that no…this “taking on of the other’s experience” just leaves me exhausted
And unable to be of any kind of help to my friend.
It seems that being a clear witness for another is the best way to serve those we love.
Initially, I found this uncomfortable
Thinking I was not feeling enough or strangely numb to the situation.
It took a long time to segue into a clean compassion.
When friends give me the gift of attentive clear witness
I am so grateful.
The power of this is I feel utterly safe to express myself fully understanding they have the security to just “hold” for me
And not take on my shit, insist on fixing or doing whatever to maneuver away from the smelly bits.
That scenario often ends up with me having to take care of THEM in some way and I am further exhausted..
It was a great day when I realized there is no hierarchy to pain or suffering.
It is what it is. Mine is not greater or less than your own. Pain is pain. Suffering is suffering.
We all have it yet we are champion gymnasts trying to get away from it.
We NEED all those conditions we consider BAD
In order to recognize the good, grand, sacred and Divine
Or to push up against to maybe evolve into a shinier version of ourselves.
A person with a patina is far more intriguing to me than someone living with a vinyl plastic covering like those used on a couch to repel soiling.
Solidarity surfaces from the recognition of our shared human experience.
When I am quiet with you in your confusion
All our ancestors sit there with us;
Heads bowed..
Holding for us both
That which is beyond the strength of mere mortals.
After that they help us rise
With a quick fanny swat
Urging us further down a road
We never need to walk alone.
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2 Responses to “A Clean Compassion”
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You might be interested in Joan Halifax’s new book where she talks about compassion distress as opposed to what you are talking about. I haven’t read it yet but I will.
This is beautifully stated.
So true! Clean, compassionate witnessing affirms the skill and intelligence of the other. I’m grateful to receive this support from you Cath. LOVE the “smelly bits” and “fanny pat”!!!