That Thing In Your Way…



….is actually your way in.

I am a product of a fortunate foundation.

Growing up we had money.

It afforded us comfort, freedoms others were unfamiliar with, great educations and we were never hungry..I mean the “for real” kind of hungry.

In these last three months of searching for a replacement caregiver I have had more than 10 young and middle aged women cross my threshold hoping to secure the job.

In more comfortable times I “read” people on an essence level when sussing them out and consider myself a fairly good judge of character using this kind of intelligence.

As I am dependent on MEDICAID the helpers must come through a healthcare agency and then sent to me. Supposedly they have been vetted for drugs,criminal history and had a TB test.

During this search process I needed to look at in a purely rational way:
-can she follow directions?
-is there retention of directions I have given?
-how does my dog do with her?
-is she interested at all in me?
-can she clean, cook a bit, notice if the floor needs sweeping?
-do I need to coach her every micro movement?
-know how to use GPS to find a place?

If I found someone I felt I could tolerate in my home 5 hours/day I kind of jumped at the chance to hire her.

This happened three times.

I was lied to (“I can cook”-NOT), stolen from ( pain pills and amazon purchases), ghosted (“Cathy you are a great woman! I will love working for you…(Gone in the wind..).

I don’t really know anything about poverty. I’d hazard most of you reading this don’t either.

How far could you get on less than 12.00/hr?

What could you eat? Where could you live? Do you imagine you’d be healthy or even kind?

Would you even know who Judy Garland was if I told you I was going to the movies?

Would your skin be clear?

Would you eat from the gas station aisles?

Would you know what kale is or how to measure 1/4 C?

I’ve needed to throw away my disease of judgement and find ways to stay elevated in spirit

Or I will die.

I have a gold-hearted caregiver now.

We are learning one another.

I numb my olfactory sense after she goes outside for a smoke

And let her hug me when I cry from too much pain.

The care and recognition of who I actually am is reciprocated in kind.

We are learning one another.

I almost missed her. Came dangerously close to missing her.

I am grateful we can be a bridge for one another.

Be very, very grateful if you enjoy a life of financial means as my story may never be yours

But on the other hand Carl Jung says “The hand of God is found in the shit.”

We are good buddies.

FYI- if ever you’d like to blow up an image to reveal detail you can click on it then once again to blow it up.


One Response to “That Thing In Your Way…”

  1. Jenny on November 2nd, 2019

    I am so glad you have found someone, and that you can feel relaxed and the tension gone, and hope Em wags her tail when she sees her . And it sounds good for everyone. All three!

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